Holding space is a term that has been known to me for some time, yet a concept I have come to understand and participate in intimately more recently. The opportunity to be a part in holding space has developed in several different contexts and "professions" for me, and I believe it embodies a number of my passions and points me towards future endeavours and encounters.
I have been honoured to have participated in holding space for others in several capacities. Some quite unique, and some a privilege few are given the opportunity to have.
The most difficult, yet most rewarding, has been that which I call Courier. Before I get into that let me first define what holding space is.
Simply, and broadly, it's the willingness to walk alongside another through a particular journey; without judgement or condition. Most importantly, without trying to fix or impact the outcome. To embody holding space truly, it requires small, patient steps, and to go at the other person's pace. In general we hold space for people all the time, and have people who hold space for us. Even the strongest leaders need to know they have someone with whom they can be weak and vulnerable with; without fear. However, there are specific instances, careers even, where holding space comes in unique and powerful forms.
My favourite form of holding space is being able to act as what I call, Container. This role, for me, is merely being the 'thing' that a person can pour their emotions, thoughts and fears into. Offering a space in where someone feels safe enough to "fall apart" in; a space to wrestle with the most complex of emotions/situations, and share their deepest and darkest thoughts without fear of judgement or that they will leave in a broken state. When others have held this type of space for me, they have been instances where growth has been cultured and some of the biggest life-changing decisions and philosophical directions have come to light. And they are the moments that I have felt the largest connection to another human being.
The most humbling and powerful form of holding space, in my eyes, has been that of Courier. For all intents and purposes this is the opportunity to support someone as they are dying, and to be apart in shuttling their soul from this life. I have been given the privilege of this honouring role in two vastly different circumstances. One, when death is expected; the natural ending to a good life. The other when it is sudden and shocking. This is the obviously the most difficult, and as a nurse working in Emergency Medicine, unfortunately has become more frequent.
Being Courier for an expected death often gets partnered with the last form of holding space; one that I call Coach. Coaching takes a fine balance of providing knowledge without influencing that person's decisions. It comes with specialty and/or life-experience. It's showing and providing people options that they might not be aware of, but ultimately allowing those making the decisions to make them without pressure. It's NOT taking away their power, and yet balancing the timeline for delivering of the information that they need. Giving it to them timely manner but without overwhelming them. This has tremendous beauty with an expected departure; teaching family what death looks like, answering questions that are hard to ask, holding someone's hand in those last moments, and watching them finally be at peace.
Tuesday, February 27, 2018
Friday, December 15, 2017
Tidbits of Thankfulness
Thankfulness has been a troublesome subject. Not in that I find it difficult to identify reasons for thankfulness in my daily life but rather in how to express the thankfulness that I hold in ways that feel adequate to the emotion I am experiencing.
How do you properly thank someone who was an emotional rock for you when you had numerous panic attacks and homesickness in the middle of the Kenyan highlands? Or the friends who encouraged you, and listened to you through the journey of discovering the freedom of being yourself? Or the woman who through living her life taught you what sacrifice, true love, and conviction looks like?
None of the thankfulness I feel is the same. Some even have a sense of bitterness within them. I find it particularly easy to place blanket statements of thankfulness on obvious things; i.e. I'm thankful for my family, my job, my friends etc. However, to wrestle with thankfulness for the struggles is an even more arduous task. For example, finding thankfulness for a relationship that initially left you broken and lost; but showed you strength and forgiveness you never thought you possessed. Or for having everything you had been working for taken away from you and having to find a new direction in life because someone else decided the potential money you had was more important then your well-being.
Being in the moment and discovering thankfulness for things often taken for granted is difficult to practice. I've become more cognizant of these sort of things as of late, especially because of the work I do. To be thankful for two feet to stand on. Or that I won the genetic lottery and didn't leave the womb with congenital abnormalities to battle with the rest of my life. It can be difficult to be cognizant and thankful while not pitying at the same time.
How do you properly thank someone who was an emotional rock for you when you had numerous panic attacks and homesickness in the middle of the Kenyan highlands? Or the friends who encouraged you, and listened to you through the journey of discovering the freedom of being yourself? Or the woman who through living her life taught you what sacrifice, true love, and conviction looks like?
None of the thankfulness I feel is the same. Some even have a sense of bitterness within them. I find it particularly easy to place blanket statements of thankfulness on obvious things; i.e. I'm thankful for my family, my job, my friends etc. However, to wrestle with thankfulness for the struggles is an even more arduous task. For example, finding thankfulness for a relationship that initially left you broken and lost; but showed you strength and forgiveness you never thought you possessed. Or for having everything you had been working for taken away from you and having to find a new direction in life because someone else decided the potential money you had was more important then your well-being.
Being in the moment and discovering thankfulness for things often taken for granted is difficult to practice. I've become more cognizant of these sort of things as of late, especially because of the work I do. To be thankful for two feet to stand on. Or that I won the genetic lottery and didn't leave the womb with congenital abnormalities to battle with the rest of my life. It can be difficult to be cognizant and thankful while not pitying at the same time.
Monday, November 6, 2017
Break the Cycle
One thing that I have noticed about the gay community is that we often share a lot of similar traumas. Especially with gay males, there is a lot of turmoil surrounding masculinity and masculine acceptance (I understand I'm focused on a cis male perspective, but that is the life experience I have/can relate to at the moment and feel that I have any right in addressing). Whether that's lack of recognition from ones father, sexual abuse, bullying during school; we have often failed to be loved fully from the world around us. What I've seen (and in many ways this definitely applies to all humans really) we perpetuated these abuses onto the people we are trying to love.
In a majority of instances this is completely unintentional, but never-the-less it occurs. This could be because we don't recognise the very baggage we carry ourselves and haven't done the work necessary to put it down, so exhausted we subconsciously do things to pass that baggage off of our person onto someone else. Or, I feel, because of our past experiences we don't know how to express love because we were never properly shown what true love looks like.
So, often times we're looking for that single moment of truth, and epiphany as it were, of what we think love looks like. Many times it is completely wrong; butterflies in our tummies and that unforgettable high of blissful romance that will inevitably come crashing down when we realised they too are human.
And the circle and cycle begins again.
Things end and we "start over" often when things were never truly broken, we just assumed they were. 'There were just too many missing pieces' becomes the constant justification. Supposed irreparable mistakes.
Few things are truly irreparable when it comes to true love. I have seen this. A woman, complete with every reason to be scorned, hateful and bitter, looking at me from across a table we'd sat at so times before, to tell me that through it all; the tears, the sleepless nights, the feeling self-righteous, and at the same time completely worthless:
Love is louder then all your pain.
I want to break that cycle, to not perpetuate the hurts and demons I face. I'm sure it will not be easy, and i'll be asking for forgiveness and patience a lot. But I refuse to live anything short of purposefully in my life. I will live and love deeply and I hope everyone I count close in my life will do the same.
So,
'Tell me the words you long to hear
And I'll sing the loud and clear
Let me heal the wounds you've held on to for all these years
Break the cycle
Break the chains'
In a majority of instances this is completely unintentional, but never-the-less it occurs. This could be because we don't recognise the very baggage we carry ourselves and haven't done the work necessary to put it down, so exhausted we subconsciously do things to pass that baggage off of our person onto someone else. Or, I feel, because of our past experiences we don't know how to express love because we were never properly shown what true love looks like.
So, often times we're looking for that single moment of truth, and epiphany as it were, of what we think love looks like. Many times it is completely wrong; butterflies in our tummies and that unforgettable high of blissful romance that will inevitably come crashing down when we realised they too are human.
And the circle and cycle begins again.
Things end and we "start over" often when things were never truly broken, we just assumed they were. 'There were just too many missing pieces' becomes the constant justification. Supposed irreparable mistakes.
Few things are truly irreparable when it comes to true love. I have seen this. A woman, complete with every reason to be scorned, hateful and bitter, looking at me from across a table we'd sat at so times before, to tell me that through it all; the tears, the sleepless nights, the feeling self-righteous, and at the same time completely worthless:
Love is louder then all your pain.
I want to break that cycle, to not perpetuate the hurts and demons I face. I'm sure it will not be easy, and i'll be asking for forgiveness and patience a lot. But I refuse to live anything short of purposefully in my life. I will live and love deeply and I hope everyone I count close in my life will do the same.
So,
'Tell me the words you long to hear
And I'll sing the loud and clear
Let me heal the wounds you've held on to for all these years
Break the cycle
Break the chains'
Tuesday, October 31, 2017
Step Into This Moment
Every now and again you meet someone that reminds you of things past, of old passions, and why you do what you do.
Recently, I have become acquainted with someone who has refreshed my soul in this way. Reminded me that I have been relatively silent for quite a while now.
I've never felt much comfort in my writing. It is often highly personal, or deals with topics in life that are uncomfortable for people to wrestle with. I've struggled with inner demons or have done the internal work long enough before I write, however, that I do find some peace when I put my words out there. The difficulty, or road block, I've often faced is battling the desire to do it for gratification, or public recognition (even just amongst my friends). In some instances I'd gotten so used to sharing; for a moment, thinking about how many people would read it, how many comments I might get, or even during the writing process editing my words so as "not to offend someone" or becoming overly concerned about burning bridges.
As things have unfolded in the world at large, I have had many thoughts. Some of them may seem radical to people; to others not radical enough. I denied myself putting pen to paper because I either felt I had no horse in the race (punningly enough it was usual surrounding matters of Race) or, in all honesty, I had truly not completed the internal work necessary for me to feel comfortable expressing myself.
Part of what I've found about being me is that I can easily see or sympathise (to a limited extent on certain matters -- I have little to no sympathy for bigotry or hatred) with both sides of some issues, and I have to strive to understand and come to terms with the fluidity on my thoughts. There is a constant battle between "is this what I truly believe" or "is this something that I'm having a gut reaction to because I haven't taken the time to digest the narrative being handed to me or truly listened to the words of the person who has undergone the experience."
Sometimes there has been simple fatigue. I have an exhausting job. It takes a lot out of me, and there are times when I do not have to energy to want to engage with some of the events that occur in the world at large. So much vehemence and violence at work, attempting to think about the same "out there" is strenuous. I got to a point where I got tired of caring.
Other times I fall back to old traumas. Listening to the old voices that told me I was wrong, that loving only left me feeling alone, that I am a burden not a contribution. There's a terrible peace in that violence telling me theres no point in trying. But it's an easy escape and I've been silent to too long.
What I have learned is that you have to fix your mind before you can fix anything else. I have to dump out the jealousy, the pettiness, the unforgiveness, the blaming others that is hindering me from pouring into my life what is going to make me better. So, I refuse to let another year go by wasting my time with these old mentalities.
There will be blessings, there will be opportunities and there will be challenges, and tests. But as soon as I stop looking for answers to happiness in other people, and waiting for miracles somewhere down the yellow brick road, I can set my affections on things that are worth so much more.
And therefore, I will step into this moment and every moment hereafter.
Recently, I have become acquainted with someone who has refreshed my soul in this way. Reminded me that I have been relatively silent for quite a while now.
I've never felt much comfort in my writing. It is often highly personal, or deals with topics in life that are uncomfortable for people to wrestle with. I've struggled with inner demons or have done the internal work long enough before I write, however, that I do find some peace when I put my words out there. The difficulty, or road block, I've often faced is battling the desire to do it for gratification, or public recognition (even just amongst my friends). In some instances I'd gotten so used to sharing; for a moment, thinking about how many people would read it, how many comments I might get, or even during the writing process editing my words so as "not to offend someone" or becoming overly concerned about burning bridges.
As things have unfolded in the world at large, I have had many thoughts. Some of them may seem radical to people; to others not radical enough. I denied myself putting pen to paper because I either felt I had no horse in the race (punningly enough it was usual surrounding matters of Race) or, in all honesty, I had truly not completed the internal work necessary for me to feel comfortable expressing myself.
Part of what I've found about being me is that I can easily see or sympathise (to a limited extent on certain matters -- I have little to no sympathy for bigotry or hatred) with both sides of some issues, and I have to strive to understand and come to terms with the fluidity on my thoughts. There is a constant battle between "is this what I truly believe" or "is this something that I'm having a gut reaction to because I haven't taken the time to digest the narrative being handed to me or truly listened to the words of the person who has undergone the experience."
Sometimes there has been simple fatigue. I have an exhausting job. It takes a lot out of me, and there are times when I do not have to energy to want to engage with some of the events that occur in the world at large. So much vehemence and violence at work, attempting to think about the same "out there" is strenuous. I got to a point where I got tired of caring.
Other times I fall back to old traumas. Listening to the old voices that told me I was wrong, that loving only left me feeling alone, that I am a burden not a contribution. There's a terrible peace in that violence telling me theres no point in trying. But it's an easy escape and I've been silent to too long.
What I have learned is that you have to fix your mind before you can fix anything else. I have to dump out the jealousy, the pettiness, the unforgiveness, the blaming others that is hindering me from pouring into my life what is going to make me better. So, I refuse to let another year go by wasting my time with these old mentalities.
There will be blessings, there will be opportunities and there will be challenges, and tests. But as soon as I stop looking for answers to happiness in other people, and waiting for miracles somewhere down the yellow brick road, I can set my affections on things that are worth so much more.
And therefore, I will step into this moment and every moment hereafter.
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Committment to Excellence
A few weeks ago I was honoured to be selected to give a speech at Duke University School of Nursing to commemorate their annual Commitment to Excellence ceremony. Here is my speech:
Good evening Fellow ABSN students, Faculty, and Guests,
My name is Nathan Hatch, and I’m a fourth semester ABSN student at Duke University School of NURSING! I stand up here looking out at all of you in amazement and excitement and sincere gratitude. Who would have guessed that a small town kid from California like me, would end up standing here, at a renown institution like Duke University. Seriously, a little less then a year ago I was sitting where you are all today. New, naive, and foolishly, just a little bit indignant at having to sit there and listen to people talk about “excellence.” But here I am, three semesters later, a little older, hopefully a little wiser, and a witness to how the faculty and staff of the School of Nursing have stood to the meet the commitment to develop, deliver and promote excellence in education, nursing care, and community involvement.
One of my favourite quotes on excellence is from Murali Chemuturi, and as I read it I want you to hold it in your mind as I’ll be referring back to it. “Excellence,” he says, “is a continuously moving target, pursued through actions of integrity. It is being the frontrunner, providing safe and reliable service to others, meeting all obligations,” and yet, “continuously learning and improving in all spheres, to pursue that moving target.” I cannot think of a better working definition for excellence in the practice of nursing. To have integrity, striving for safe and excellent care for others, and committing to being lifelong learners. It requires a strong dose of humility and constant self-examination. Excellence starts with a question. A question I will end with later.
In my studies here at the Duke School of Nursing there is a term that has been given to us that I consider as an umbrella mindset for nursing practice, and some of you may know it as the Holistic approach to medicine. The Holistic approach, to me, is stepping away from reactive medicine, and instead being proactive, and considering all options of care. It is how we as nurses (and future nurses) can maintain a mindset of excellence. To think critically through the nursing process about what we know, while analyzing all spheres of influence of our patients, and assuming responsibility to educate ourselves about what we do not know, in order to maintain the highest level of service to our communities and the people that place their lives in our care.
As of now, we sit here because we have been chosen by members of this University who see us as individuals meeting the standard of having “outstanding character, ability and vision” to be the next generation of leaders in this ever changing field of medicine. While this is a great honour, I challenge you to be more than just that, because after all excellence isn’t simply meeting someone else’s standards, it is setting your own and exceeding them.
I want to tell you a little bit about Esther. A woman who led me to aspire to join this amazing profession.
I met Esther nearly three years ago, when I stepped off a crammed 15 passenger van which was currently holding 32 people, into a tiny highland village in Kenya which I was to call home for a time. Esther is a nurse who’s energy and dedication was the key in transforming the unassuming Dispensary in Ngorika, to a place of excellence in healing. I went to Kenya as a Public Health Volunteer full of ambitions and expectations in the hopes of making some small difference in the community that I was placed, never expecting to meet a woman who would so inspire me and change the direction of my life forever, and it all started with a simple question of curiosity.
“Kwa nini hapa Ngorika, Esther? Why here? You could be working ANYwhere else in Kuyu-land, or even Nairobi at any of the best hospitals. Why this Dispensory? Why Ngorika?”
She turned to me and smiled as if the answer was completely obvious, “They need me. Yes, I could have gone anywhere I chose, and cared for any number of sick or injured people, but that is all I would be doing -- mending, fixing. As a Nurse I want to heal. In Ngorika I can do that. Yes, I can mend people’s bodies but I can also mend the system broken by corruption, I can heal the hearts damaged by tribalism, here I can mend the soul.
Who else is there but me?”
That is the question. And you may be answering, “Plenty, there are plenty of people who can.” I know I have said that to myself many times through this program, comparing myself to others. Thinking, “They are so much better at this then I.” or “I know so little, how am I supposed to do this?” But then I recall my first day of clinical in the hospital. During Maternity. Being the Greenest of the Green. I was placed in a room with a laboring mother, her knowing little of English. And against such barriers I was able to provide comfort and care, to which I was asked specifically to remain throughout her birthing process. In that moment, I felt like I knew next to nothing. But I utilized the knowledge I had and gave my best to provide safe, and effective care, and it made all the difference.
So, considering that rhetorical question, and do everything in your power to hit that moving target called excellence. As you move forward in this program, and work with this wonderful faculty who will push you in every way imaginable; Think critically, breathe deep, and aim high.
Thank You.
Good evening Fellow ABSN students, Faculty, and Guests,
My name is Nathan Hatch, and I’m a fourth semester ABSN student at Duke University School of NURSING! I stand up here looking out at all of you in amazement and excitement and sincere gratitude. Who would have guessed that a small town kid from California like me, would end up standing here, at a renown institution like Duke University. Seriously, a little less then a year ago I was sitting where you are all today. New, naive, and foolishly, just a little bit indignant at having to sit there and listen to people talk about “excellence.” But here I am, three semesters later, a little older, hopefully a little wiser, and a witness to how the faculty and staff of the School of Nursing have stood to the meet the commitment to develop, deliver and promote excellence in education, nursing care, and community involvement.
One of my favourite quotes on excellence is from Murali Chemuturi, and as I read it I want you to hold it in your mind as I’ll be referring back to it. “Excellence,” he says, “is a continuously moving target, pursued through actions of integrity. It is being the frontrunner, providing safe and reliable service to others, meeting all obligations,” and yet, “continuously learning and improving in all spheres, to pursue that moving target.” I cannot think of a better working definition for excellence in the practice of nursing. To have integrity, striving for safe and excellent care for others, and committing to being lifelong learners. It requires a strong dose of humility and constant self-examination. Excellence starts with a question. A question I will end with later.
In my studies here at the Duke School of Nursing there is a term that has been given to us that I consider as an umbrella mindset for nursing practice, and some of you may know it as the Holistic approach to medicine. The Holistic approach, to me, is stepping away from reactive medicine, and instead being proactive, and considering all options of care. It is how we as nurses (and future nurses) can maintain a mindset of excellence. To think critically through the nursing process about what we know, while analyzing all spheres of influence of our patients, and assuming responsibility to educate ourselves about what we do not know, in order to maintain the highest level of service to our communities and the people that place their lives in our care.
As of now, we sit here because we have been chosen by members of this University who see us as individuals meeting the standard of having “outstanding character, ability and vision” to be the next generation of leaders in this ever changing field of medicine. While this is a great honour, I challenge you to be more than just that, because after all excellence isn’t simply meeting someone else’s standards, it is setting your own and exceeding them.
I want to tell you a little bit about Esther. A woman who led me to aspire to join this amazing profession.
I met Esther nearly three years ago, when I stepped off a crammed 15 passenger van which was currently holding 32 people, into a tiny highland village in Kenya which I was to call home for a time. Esther is a nurse who’s energy and dedication was the key in transforming the unassuming Dispensary in Ngorika, to a place of excellence in healing. I went to Kenya as a Public Health Volunteer full of ambitions and expectations in the hopes of making some small difference in the community that I was placed, never expecting to meet a woman who would so inspire me and change the direction of my life forever, and it all started with a simple question of curiosity.
“Kwa nini hapa Ngorika, Esther? Why here? You could be working ANYwhere else in Kuyu-land, or even Nairobi at any of the best hospitals. Why this Dispensory? Why Ngorika?”
She turned to me and smiled as if the answer was completely obvious, “They need me. Yes, I could have gone anywhere I chose, and cared for any number of sick or injured people, but that is all I would be doing -- mending, fixing. As a Nurse I want to heal. In Ngorika I can do that. Yes, I can mend people’s bodies but I can also mend the system broken by corruption, I can heal the hearts damaged by tribalism, here I can mend the soul.
Who else is there but me?”
That is the question. And you may be answering, “Plenty, there are plenty of people who can.” I know I have said that to myself many times through this program, comparing myself to others. Thinking, “They are so much better at this then I.” or “I know so little, how am I supposed to do this?” But then I recall my first day of clinical in the hospital. During Maternity. Being the Greenest of the Green. I was placed in a room with a laboring mother, her knowing little of English. And against such barriers I was able to provide comfort and care, to which I was asked specifically to remain throughout her birthing process. In that moment, I felt like I knew next to nothing. But I utilized the knowledge I had and gave my best to provide safe, and effective care, and it made all the difference.
So, considering that rhetorical question, and do everything in your power to hit that moving target called excellence. As you move forward in this program, and work with this wonderful faculty who will push you in every way imaginable; Think critically, breathe deep, and aim high.
Thank You.
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