The Art of Trusting

Trusting is an art form. It takes practice, tools and skills built up over time, and just a touch of daring. It is an activity or practice that can be regarded as medium of expression for a relationship.

This week I was placed in a position of having to express the deepest trust and found that trusting God and trusting others often go hand in hand.

It started off on being in a place of dangerous ground, to where I was not caring what God wanted to say to me. This had to change. I needed to move from having no faith to having great faith, obedient faith and it had start with some action.

I have a passion for God. It has developed in me over the course of many years, several filled with trials and tribulations. I have had to learn over the years (and had to have it refreshed for me this week) that it is not simply God taking roll and his satisfaction with "Here!" but that he wants more. He desires, "I'm listening," as well. It is having the same response when times are difficult/critical as when your journey first began/when things were easier.

This time if I wanted to be listening to God, if I wanted to take him seriously, I needed to follow his calling for accountability, and in turn meant having to put my trust in a very dear friend. And so I did, and trust me it wasn't easy.

I couldn't eat all day, I was nauseous, and during our conversation I could hardly bring myself to look my friend in the eye. Up to that conversation I was facing a problem with faith. I was faced with the possible contradiction of a promise from God, with the command he had given me. How was God, in this situation, going to be a God of honour? I was facing the possibility of rejection, humiliation, and the loss of a friend. I'd experienced it before. How was God going to show up in this context? I had to take a chance, and I am so thankful I did.

Often trying to understand what God is doing puts us at a confrontation with what he would have us do. Trying to reason about what God will do binds us to inaction. But God has a plan both big picture and small and before we can see the place or to see the outcome, we must choose to see the God who is already there.

I would rather choose love and the risk that people will not accept me for everything that I am, then not trust God. Heb. 11 v. 17-19

Putting the Gifts Down

I have been living the last six weeks burdened by the desire to be in two places at once. After two wonderful years of discovery and growth I am once again living the the town in which I grew up.

I love this place, I could go on about it for hours, to the extent which I always get looks from friends that are underlaid with the question "WHY!?!". With it's rustic and rural beauty, it's history, and it's broken, eccentric, and beautiful people, this little town of Gold never ceases to amaze me. However, I am in love with another place, another group of wonderful, eccentric people, a second home.

Today was a message on a segment of Abraham's story. It is a story I have heard countless times, but somehow never appreciated the gravity of the story's background. It is the story of Abraham's test to sacrifice Isaac his only son, and the greatest promise from God in a covenant to Abraham. If you know this story you have probably asked, as I have, why on earth would God test Abraham in such a manner? This kind of test would never blow over in this day and age, and you would be right. Yet, how Dennis pointed out, God often uses the same lessons, he simply uses different packages.

Gifts, especially gifts from God come in all sorts packages. They may be an assortment of talents, they may be unexpected blessings, or in my case a group of amazing people. We like to cling to these gifts with everything we have. Which is understandable, they are wonderful examples of God's love for us. The problem comes when we cling to these gifts so tightly that, when God steps in and asks us to take his hand and follow him, our arms are too full to take hold. It's really hard to trust God enough to set down our beloved items in order to be in relationship with him.

I feel a calling to follow God by joining the Peace Corps, this may sound ludicrous, and sometimes I ask myself the very same thing. Inasmuch, it has meant placing some of the gifts that I have been given down in order to take God by the hand. Yes, it is extremely hard. Not only am I facing not being near some of the people I love the most for a short while, but it also means facing the knowledge that in the future I am going to have to put down even more to live in a foreign country for 2 years. Yet, if I truly desire to follow God, this is what I am required to do. Thankfully, I stand in the knowledge that putting my cherished down for now doesn't mean I am required to do so forever and, thankfully, it is for a God who knows our backgrounds, who declares that he will never test us beyond the portion of our faith, or beyond our ability to succeed.

God is not always easy to listen to, but he's worth it.

Send Me!

My dear friend is a creative, caring little thing. She can bring joy to you so fast with the simplest cheeky smile, and heaven help your emotional state of being if she decides to gift you something! She has been blessed with the talent of being able to tailor the simplest things to have the perfect individualized impact on whomever she is decides to target with a bit of love.

Prior to our little summertime excursion to Peru I found myself being the happy victim of her love-sniping, via a 30 page hand-crafted glory of a little green journal. Little did I, nor she, know this little act would be a source for a fair few intense spiritual moments during my time abroad. This little journal, with its carefully selected verses, hand-written in various colours and placements throughout the lined pages, became the location to write down reactionary thoughts to events and discussions, a place to write down funny quotes and stories, and a source of divine timing and encouragement.

My first notable encounter came the morning of my departure to Mexico City for debrief. While sitting in the airport waiting impatiently for the plane to begin boarding, I decided to take the time to thoroughly examine the journal and read some of the verses she had chosen specifically for me. I didn't make it past the first page.

There it was, written in large, bolded red letters; Isaiah 6 v. 8.

Then I heard the voice of the LORD saying "Whom shall I send? Who will go for us?" And I said, "Here am I send me!"

Wham. Here I was, preparing to go to a far away country, to spend six weeks with people I did not know and worried I would have terrible difficulty connecting with, essentially saying "I will go." But was I really ready? I wanted to shout, saying those very words, "Me Lord, send ME!" But could I say them invariably? This was a constant thought that possessed me throughout the Trek. There are people, family and friends, that I care about deeply, and the thought of leaving them, being possibly thousands of miles away to where I cannot see them whenever I needed or wanted to, is nearly unbearable. I also love Jesus, and he said that whoever leaves behind friends and family and possessions for his name lives for him, anyone who doesn't is not worthy of him (Matt. 10. v. 37 and 19 v. 29).

I don't know what this is going to look like yet, and this trip certainly got me thinking and seeking after God's direction. I know it will not always be easy and I still have a million questions but I have found trust and a burning love for God (more on that later). It's all baby steps from here and continually asking for help to freely give over to him the things that hinder me from full devotion to the Kingdom and to use the things (skills, ambitions, and possessions) placed within my care to their fullest potential to bring love of others.