Serenity in Silence?

I'm a silent person. Ok, I can see a few eyebrows, I know I can be outgoing and stuff at times but the more I think about it....I'm rather...well quiet.
The problem: When is it beneficial and when is it detrimental?
Tough question, uber amounts of introspection on this one.
I guess the major thing that has kick started this scrutiny of self has been the recent confront that my reservedness has caused people to believe me to have either hostility or a dislike of them.
I don't like that. Period.
I'm a people pleaser, I hate to pain people in any manner....and I especially dislike people thinking I don't care...
The fact is

I do care, simply, I am shy, under-confident, and defiantly afraid of rejection

The rejection part I just need to just plain get over....its going to happen. The rest has been far from easy.
My recent stumbling block to silence:
Proverbs 12 with Prodigal John's beautiful commentary of this chapter.
There is so much in there on this subject ill have to post on individually what they mean to me.

"But I am not silenced by the darkness, Nor deep gloom which covers me." - Job 23v.17

The Stone, Round 2

So this Sunday was round two of my epic battle against the malfunctioning of my kidneys. It started during Jesus time at Nine. We were talking about the craziness that occurs when people truly immerse themselves in their relationship with God, when I started feeling a strange feeling in my abdomen. So I told Kurt and Angie that I wasn't feeling good and stuff, so we started praying, really really praying, and at the end Kurt was like "Do you truly believe that God can heal you." and I was like "Yes", and with no doubt about it the pain was totally utterly gone. It was amazing!
On the way to Church the pain all of a sudden hit me extremely hard and thankfully i was taking Angie to church so she took me to the ER. After a lot of agony, a mini seizure thanks to the morphine, and some sleeping here I am totally befuddled about the whole thing.
In no way do I doubt God's power or anything close to that I just don't know how to take any of this. I mean God had answered the prayer, the pain had stopped what happened?

"Look ot he Lord and his strength; seek his face always. Remember the wonders he has done, his miracles and the judgement he pronounced." Psalms 105 v. 4-5

19 years Come and Gone

Today my long term animal friend, Snowfire Rocket, had to be put to sleep.
It's curious how drastic the change is from knowing a day like this would come, to knowing the very day its going to happen, and then actually experiencing everything that happens on the day itself. You can never really prepare yourself for it.
It's always amazing how much an animal can mean to you, especially since she has been in my life for so long, I mean ever since I was born people....thats a long time!!
Though its hard God is so good. He's been such a comfort for me these past few days...
Its easy to turn away from God's help when you're hurting, but thats when you need him the most! And he likes it when you spend time with him, and i have a feeling it means even more when he can bring comfort and strength when you feel weak!

"Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted." Matthew 5 v. 4