Holding space is a term that has been known to me for some time, yet a concept I have come to understand and participate in intimately more recently. The opportunity to be a part in holding space has developed in several different contexts and "professions" for me, and I believe it embodies a number of my passions and points me towards future endeavours and encounters.
I have been honoured to have participated in holding space for others in several capacities. Some quite unique, and some a privilege few are given the opportunity to have.
The most difficult, yet most rewarding, has been that which I call Courier. Before I get into that let me first define what holding space is.
Simply, and broadly, it's the willingness to walk alongside another through a particular journey; without judgement or condition. Most importantly, without trying to fix or impact the outcome. To embody holding space truly, it requires small, patient steps, and to go at the other person's pace. In general we hold space for people all the time, and have people who hold space for us. Even the strongest leaders need to know they have someone with whom they can be weak and vulnerable with; without fear. However, there are specific instances, careers even, where holding space comes in unique and powerful forms.
My favourite form of holding space is being able to act as what I call, Container. This role, for me, is merely being the 'thing' that a person can pour their emotions, thoughts and fears into. Offering a space in where someone feels safe enough to "fall apart" in; a space to wrestle with the most complex of emotions/situations, and share their deepest and darkest thoughts without fear of judgement or that they will leave in a broken state. When others have held this type of space for me, they have been instances where growth has been cultured and some of the biggest life-changing decisions and philosophical directions have come to light. And they are the moments that I have felt the largest connection to another human being.
The most humbling and powerful form of holding space, in my eyes, has been that of Courier. For all intents and purposes this is the opportunity to support someone as they are dying, and to be apart in shuttling their soul from this life. I have been given the privilege of this honouring role in two vastly different circumstances. One, when death is expected; the natural ending to a good life. The other when it is sudden and shocking. This is the obviously the most difficult, and as a nurse working in Emergency Medicine, unfortunately has become more frequent.
Being Courier for an expected death often gets partnered with the last form of holding space; one that I call Coach. Coaching takes a fine balance of providing knowledge without influencing that person's decisions. It comes with specialty and/or life-experience. It's showing and providing people options that they might not be aware of, but ultimately allowing those making the decisions to make them without pressure. It's NOT taking away their power, and yet balancing the timeline for delivering of the information that they need. Giving it to them timely manner but without overwhelming them. This has tremendous beauty with an expected departure; teaching family what death looks like, answering questions that are hard to ask, holding someone's hand in those last moments, and watching them finally be at peace.
