I am beginning to see time as being a ruler with which to measure the state of deterioration. Now please don’t mistake me for being pessimistic or morbid, that is not my direction of thought, but rather I mention this view as a corner stone for which to base my most recent musings.
The concept of time here in Kenya is so very different than anything one would experience in America. We have literally been told that if you want a meeting to start at a certain time we need to say that the meeting time is two hours before we mean to start… Annoying some might say. Frustrating at times, yes, however, I am finding that I love it. Everyone walks slower, talks slower, I swear even the flies attempt to get away from your swatting slower. A greeting is hardly ever just in passing. A simple hello to a stranger is often expected to be at least a 5 minute conversation. I can only imagine if you haven’t seen someone you know in a long time!
I love this mindset though. I think Kenyan’s get it. Kurt got my brain thinking along this track before I left. We are all allotted the exact same time during the day, none of us is truly “busier” than anyone else, simply hurried or attempting to cram more into our given time. That is why time is the greatest gift. When I give you my time, I am giving you my LIFE. Period. It is a gift, when given, I can give to you and only YOU. As a being outside of time it is something not even G-d can gift. It is a concept that I have felt deep within for years but never had the words to express.
I am beginning to view every moment as immeasurably sacred, because every moment is a little bit of the precious commodity that I have on this earth—my life. Two years, separated from the people I love, and the things I understand, it’s a heavy price. But it is worth every bit. =)
Rev. 10 v. 6
Tutaonana (until we see each other)
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Monday, June 18, 2012
A Punch to the Spiritual Nutsack
And trust me it was an unpleasant experience to say the least. I was walking home when it happened. I realized I had gotten myself lost, and it was a slow an imperceptible drift downstream.
I was leaving a PCT (Peace Corps Trainees) group hangout day and feeling the weight of the large amount of complaining and negativity that was occurring (and I am not guiltless of participating), when I discovered that I had forgotten what I have come here for. Yes, training can be exorbitantly annoying and tedious but I came here to love the people who live here, and I haven’t been doing that. I have been seeing training as the thing I have to get to before I can work at my site and show love there, but there are people that live HERE in Loitokitok, and sometimes I have seen them as a nuisance, and I didn’t even realize it or see that that was what I was doing. I sicken myself.
While I was walking home this women came up to me and being quite very affrontive was yelling things in KiSwahili. I could only make out ‘Habari yako?’ a greeting which essentially means: ‘What is the news with you?’, but she was definitely not using it as a greeting. I went the avoiding route, which honestly was the advisable and probably the safest thing to do, but that was when it struck me. I am avoiding that which makes me uncomfortable. Life is comfortable when you separate yourself from people who are different from you.
Hanging out with the group is fun, but they can be a distraction from what I came for. I desire rather to grab a soda and just sit in the market and be available to approach and not simply be a mzungu (the term used for a white person but it literally translates to “one who walks around”) which we usually tend to be. That will take trust, and trust is not a comfortable place to be. As humans we seek refuge in what we have and what we know rather than trust in what G-d will provide and show us.
The question that hit me was; “What are you doing right now that requires faith?” “But Nathan,” you might say, “You’re in Africa! Isn’t that a big leap of faith?” Yeah, it WAS, but that step has already been taken, I have more to take.
So, it is time to take another step of faith and stand in the brokenness and let G-d do his marvelous work.
I was leaving a PCT (Peace Corps Trainees) group hangout day and feeling the weight of the large amount of complaining and negativity that was occurring (and I am not guiltless of participating), when I discovered that I had forgotten what I have come here for. Yes, training can be exorbitantly annoying and tedious but I came here to love the people who live here, and I haven’t been doing that. I have been seeing training as the thing I have to get to before I can work at my site and show love there, but there are people that live HERE in Loitokitok, and sometimes I have seen them as a nuisance, and I didn’t even realize it or see that that was what I was doing. I sicken myself.
While I was walking home this women came up to me and being quite very affrontive was yelling things in KiSwahili. I could only make out ‘Habari yako?’ a greeting which essentially means: ‘What is the news with you?’, but she was definitely not using it as a greeting. I went the avoiding route, which honestly was the advisable and probably the safest thing to do, but that was when it struck me. I am avoiding that which makes me uncomfortable. Life is comfortable when you separate yourself from people who are different from you.
Hanging out with the group is fun, but they can be a distraction from what I came for. I desire rather to grab a soda and just sit in the market and be available to approach and not simply be a mzungu (the term used for a white person but it literally translates to “one who walks around”) which we usually tend to be. That will take trust, and trust is not a comfortable place to be. As humans we seek refuge in what we have and what we know rather than trust in what G-d will provide and show us.
The question that hit me was; “What are you doing right now that requires faith?” “But Nathan,” you might say, “You’re in Africa! Isn’t that a big leap of faith?” Yeah, it WAS, but that step has already been taken, I have more to take.
So, it is time to take another step of faith and stand in the brokenness and let G-d do his marvelous work.
Enoughness
There are many things while living here in Kenya that are DIFFERENT in comparison to life in America, and yet other things are not so much. Some of the things I have complained to myself about at first; having to use a pit latrine, sweet potatoes and eggs for breakfast, and fluctuating ability to have running water and/or electricity.
Then I read Exodus 16 v. 9-16. This passage reminds me of the foolishness of this way of thinking! I wanted this. I asked to be a part of G-d’s work and to be sent wherever he might have me. My basic needs are provided for; food to eat, a place to rest my head, and a way to dispose of my waste and yet I sit and complain because I am slightly uncomfortable!?
I am reminded that he promised that he and he alone is enough for me. I must remember to embrace his being and delight in his enoughness. Besides, my legs are getting stronger having to squat to poop, I have a better gag reflex and my host mama came up with a brilliant way to get me to like eating eggs, and it’s like being on a perpetual camping trip that I loved growing up.
Then I read Exodus 16 v. 9-16. This passage reminds me of the foolishness of this way of thinking! I wanted this. I asked to be a part of G-d’s work and to be sent wherever he might have me. My basic needs are provided for; food to eat, a place to rest my head, and a way to dispose of my waste and yet I sit and complain because I am slightly uncomfortable!?
I am reminded that he promised that he and he alone is enough for me. I must remember to embrace his being and delight in his enoughness. Besides, my legs are getting stronger having to squat to poop, I have a better gag reflex and my host mama came up with a brilliant way to get me to like eating eggs, and it’s like being on a perpetual camping trip that I loved growing up.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
The Road Goes Ever On
"The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say."
This has always been one of my favourite little tid-bits from literature. For those of you who are not familiar, this is the song Bilbo Baggins is heard singing as he makes his way from the doorsteps of Bag End, having given up the burden of the One Ring to Frodo, on his way to Rivendell and unknown adventure.
It has always gripped me with a longing for the unknown, and up until this point, has always seemed like pleasant fantasy and honestly just plain good reading. This time however, as I read it I am enamoured by the unexpected similarities of context that I find it has with my life now.
As I have been preparing for the adventure that is to come I have had to be persuaded to leave 'the precious'. To forfeit the people and things that I love in exchange for experiences and stories that I get to live when I move away. Or in another sense I have had to stretch out my hand and let go of a couple things I have held tightly to for so long. Allowing God to take them from me and allow him to deal with the consequences.
So here I stand, on the steps that lead out my door, looking down this great road that has been set before me. I must strive for it with as much effort as I can muster. It is a road that will join with many other people's paths as it goes on to join to some larger way. Where it will lead, I cannot say, but I'm about to find out...
"Be strong and courageous. Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you should wander." Joshua 1 v. 9
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say."
This has always been one of my favourite little tid-bits from literature. For those of you who are not familiar, this is the song Bilbo Baggins is heard singing as he makes his way from the doorsteps of Bag End, having given up the burden of the One Ring to Frodo, on his way to Rivendell and unknown adventure.
It has always gripped me with a longing for the unknown, and up until this point, has always seemed like pleasant fantasy and honestly just plain good reading. This time however, as I read it I am enamoured by the unexpected similarities of context that I find it has with my life now.
As I have been preparing for the adventure that is to come I have had to be persuaded to leave 'the precious'. To forfeit the people and things that I love in exchange for experiences and stories that I get to live when I move away. Or in another sense I have had to stretch out my hand and let go of a couple things I have held tightly to for so long. Allowing God to take them from me and allow him to deal with the consequences.
So here I stand, on the steps that lead out my door, looking down this great road that has been set before me. I must strive for it with as much effort as I can muster. It is a road that will join with many other people's paths as it goes on to join to some larger way. Where it will lead, I cannot say, but I'm about to find out...
"Be strong and courageous. Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you should wander." Joshua 1 v. 9
The Reason Why.
Doubt. It is here in these little moments, when the passion seems to slip away and the excitement turns to stillness, that I begin to question if I can still do this. To give up my belongings, my language, my friends and family, my self and love to the deepest of my potential. 'Cause all I keep doing is wonder if what I will be doing really matters. I am unsure of what the future holds.
I cannot do this. At least not on my own. I am, and must continue to always be, planted by the stream of life. Rooted and connected to what is real, and true, and life-giving. The true fountain of life.
It is here I am reminded that even though I feel this way, this; thorn in my flesh, can no longer hold me down because when I place HIM first he will take precedence over everything that comes after. Yes, I will doubt and question my purpose (t)here. Yes, I will at times reckon that what I am doing is self-centered; feeling as though I am gaining an exorbitant amount of knowledge and experience while giving nothing in return. I have been there before!. And it is here again I find the answer whispered to me; "simply remember that everyone matters. Act as if everyone deserves better than you."
That means sacrifice.
"Put your life on hold so that other's may be better." Matthew 5 v. 15 (Message)
That is why, the umbrella reason for my going abroad for 2+ years. I believe that I am working within the kingdom of God for a divine purpose. I am (t)here for a reason that is bigger that even I could possibly know or imagine and it scares the devil to death
"No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of it for someone else." -Benjamin Franklin
Then I find myself spirit slapped by a back-hand from the Almighty
I cannot do this. At least not on my own. I am, and must continue to always be, planted by the stream of life. Rooted and connected to what is real, and true, and life-giving. The true fountain of life.
It is here I am reminded that even though I feel this way, this; thorn in my flesh, can no longer hold me down because when I place HIM first he will take precedence over everything that comes after. Yes, I will doubt and question my purpose (t)here. Yes, I will at times reckon that what I am doing is self-centered; feeling as though I am gaining an exorbitant amount of knowledge and experience while giving nothing in return. I have been there before!. And it is here again I find the answer whispered to me; "simply remember that everyone matters. Act as if everyone deserves better than you."
That means sacrifice.
"Put your life on hold so that other's may be better." Matthew 5 v. 15 (Message)
That is why, the umbrella reason for my going abroad for 2+ years. I believe that I am working within the kingdom of God for a divine purpose. I am (t)here for a reason that is bigger that even I could possibly know or imagine and it scares the devil to death
"No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of it for someone else." -Benjamin Franklin
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)