The Art of Elimination

People have always stated that I am one of those people who's personality is, how do they put it?, "out of the box". I've always thought this as a curious insight, seeing as I know myself and I don't feel as if I'm all that weird, right?

I've always chalked it up to that fact that I am expressive and that as a personal mantra I feel as though "If God is watching the least we can be is entertaining"... This was of course encouraged and supported with my brief stint with the Improv Club in college and the four main elements to a great performance. But recently I've began to think it was something else. Began to question "Why is there even a 'box'?"

cause I haven't ALWAYS been this way.

In the beginning of elementary school I was a more boisterous child, but eventually found that squashed out of me:

"know-it-all" "loud mouth" "annoying" "girly-man" ...to name a few.

You hear things, you start to believe them. So I became the quiet one, the "eternal brooding grump", as my parents used to say, because while you're going through it, it becomes all you see.

Suffering. Death of family, physical pain, emotional torment, you name it, suffering. Your "box", the frame of reference for which you come to understand and see the world, the ways in which you go about your daily life, become shattered. So you have to figure out a new "box". I've began to see that I did.

I think that is what is so intriguing about the cross; it is a symbol. It is God stepping down and screaming with us. God saying

"I know how you feel."

I now know my answer to the question; "Why Peace Corps?" It's the Art of Elimination. My relationship with Christ compels me to eliminate the unnecessary, the trivial, the superficial. I seek to take off the things that are hindering me: wealth, comfort, easy access to food, etc, so that I can see, and eventually talk about, what matters most. So that I can stand by people who have live a life very different than my own and be able to say, "I know how you feel."

Michaelangelo is quoted saying that his david was "in the stone clamouring to be freed." That is how I feel. There is untapped potential in me, it's an unexplainable feeling, something like not feeling whole. There is real courage, desire, passion, loyalty, and love in there, somewhere, just waiting to get out. And I think it's going to take suffering to get it out...

2 Corinthians 6 v. 4-10

A Heart that Hurts

I have, yet again, found myself in an utterly unimaginable state of transition and within it attempting to recall the calmness I felt a little under a year ago.

Yet this time I cannot help but feel left unto the darkness. Not as a human trapped in a "can't-catch-a-breath/scared-out-of-my-mind" place, but feel as one caught in a state of roller-coastering bewilderment. I currently sit entrenched on the couch, after having spent the weekend being blessed with the presence of people I love incomprehensibly, feeling as if I have been trying to capture a fleeting memory of an existence that I no longer possess... of a life I no longer have the right to.

The analogy that comes to mind is of a man who has been handed a death sentence. With some I have left feeling as though the interaction was stifled. Unintentional as it might have been, I am left with the feeling of being kept at a distance, as if to keep the reality of my departure from having a greater impact. Others, I felt as though I was being gazed at as if it was the finale, that I would never be witnessed again.

And yet some, leaving me feeling bemused but still loved, took a moment to seek a piece of spiritual advice, or push a difficult conversation to see me as I am, or sat next to me in silent understanding.

Little actions keep speaking the deepest comfort to my heart, and leave my head spinning. I don't know what the next few weeks will hold for me as I await and prepare for this next adventure, but I sincerely hope that they possess the surprises I need and that will keep my head spinning.

"The Secret to Immortality" -Original

The secret to Immortality is there is no secret.
Do not seek it.

Some men strive for it. Die for it.
Some seek to gain it through fame, others fortune.
But it all ends the same.
In utter misery and blame.

Listener heed me. Put out the flame.
The honest man knows that it can't be achieved, only gained.

To live simply, and simply live.
Daringly, lovingly, and with imperceptive humility.

For no man will forget a man like that.

The Shadow Proves the Sunshine

The thorn. Paul's burden to carry.

For whatever purpose, his second letter to the Corinthians, in which he describes his convictions and experiences with weakness, has been looping itself through my mind. In this passage he reminds us of our frailty as humans and a susceptibility to weakness and strife. The things in our lives that hold as a consistent reminder to keep us from boasting of ourselves.

The simple lyric (and also the title of the song) by Switchfoot has made a tremendous impact and initiated this whole string of thought process. It is one line but it holds an array of symbolism and artistic truth. We humans all have an encumbrance in one form or other that is a part of us, no matter how dark (shadow). It follows us, reminding us of our imperfection. If we are walking in our own way, we seek it and it dominates our path before us. But turn towards the Son, and suddenly it is no longer in the forefront. For his "grace is sufficient" and his "power is made perfect in weakness".

Read it for yourself: 2 Corinthians 12 v.7