I Swear I Lived

There was a day I remember. I remember it well.
I was young, feckless and wild, my heart set in stone
It was a day that the world seemed to open up to me.

And it all started, with nothing but a simple blessing.

My wise old one turned to me. He turned to me and said, "Mzadi. Child, don't you worry.
Even when is seems to be, you're not broken just bent.

Heaven has a plan for you, but it is not set in stone.  Take the steps and the paths of your life will wind their way before you.  Where ever your life takes you, this, this is my prayer:

'May you take that leap, and feel not the fall
That Fear falls out of breath behind you, and nothing to you seems pall
I hope that you fall in love, and that it hurts so bad
That the only way to know it was worth it was to give them all that you had

I hope that when the walls cave in and all those around you choose to run,
You hold your ground, standing alone amidst the rays of the sun
May you spend all of your days, but they all seem to add up
So when people cheer, its your name we hear, when they raise their glasses up.

I hope that you see the world and all it's wonders
That you see so many places, from the glories of the oceans, to the plains and their thunders

Mzadi, Child. I wish that I could be witness,
To all your joys and all your pains.
To always be there to catch you, and never leave you crying in the rain

I pray you never suffer, yet let pain be your guide.
For the worries of this life will ever teach you, bringing light to what's inside.

Own every second that this life could give
So that when anyone asks, you can say.

'I swear, I lived''"

What I Want

I want an end to the culture wars.

Where the Church is not politically minded, concerned with the ebbs and flows of partisanship, but rather emphasises the Kingdom, as a whole, over one party or even one country.

I want a community that doesn't hide behind Dogma and traditional precedence.  That doesn't spout rote answers to my hard-pressed, struggled for questions! A community where I can feel safe to ask the tough questions that plague my mind and to wrestle with the doubt that squeezes at my chest.

Give me a people who value and challenge each other to strive for lives of integrity and holiness;  where living lives of consumeristic simplicity, of reconciliation and rehabilitation over incarceration, of protection of creation, of peacemaking, of care for the oppressed, is pursued over living lives that are little more than sticking to a list of rules.

I long to feel like I don't have to choose between my intellectual integrity and my faith. So there can be a harmony between science and faith.

I want a Church that is known for what it stands for, fights for, not what it is against.  One that is seen as a body of compassion and caring for the human person, not hostile and unwelcoming. Where my LGBT friends can feel TRULY welcome within my faith community, not shunned by it.

Please, stop trying to churn out edgier music, a more laid-back service, coffee-shops and stores in the foyer, more "trendy" pastors. It's all light shows and noise,  a performance that nobody is buying.

People aren't interested because its not "cool" enough.
I don't want to be associated with Christianity because it's old-fashioned or backwards. I don't want to be associated with it cause I don't feel like I'm find Jesus there....

Where My Place Is

I don't know where my place is
Cause where I once thought I knew all the answers, and held all the keys
Is the place where I lost you, somewhere on my knees

I thought I knew where my heart was
But where I once swam in a deep sea of forgiveness, and held all the love
Is the place where I'm drowning, looking for heaven above

It's a chemistry I'm bound to
Bouncing between the left and the right
Because when it wants what it wants, the heart will fight

I don't know what this taste is
Cause where I once feasted in friendship, and wrapped it in splendor
Is the place where heart feels reserved, have I filled it with cancer

I don't know what my use is
Where I once thought I felt all the passion, and held a desire to follow
Is the place where I'm wondering, why everything feels so hollow

It's a chemistry I'm bound to
Turns out, I needed you now much more then you need me
Because when it wants what it wants, the heart will flee