I believe,....

We are temporary - Live like it

Everyone matters - Act as if everyone is better then you.

It's important to debrief with someone you trust occasionally -  Things influence you more then you think, as well as there is value in a secondary view-point.

Acceptance isn't bad - But don't let the need for it influence your decisions about yourself.

A counterfeit friend is worse than an enemy - Evaluate your relationships occasionally. 

Eternity is in our hearts - Give it out to others.

We should live outwardly and on purpose - So that when your gone, others will miss you, and not just your friends.   

Crying doesn't indicate weakness - but it doesn't solve your problems either.

A bad outcome is not determinant of the future - Don't be afraid to make decisions.

The only thing that matters is your relationship with God - Don't let others opinions or voices block it out.

Every season passes sooner then we mean for it to - Never neglect telling others how much they mean to you.

Love is a verb, not a noun - Do.

A Loss of Innocence

Being back in the States has left me with a lot of time to think and ponder; both about my time in Africa as a whole and in relation to the series of events that have led to my return.  Part of the healing process has involved coming to terms with a number of truths; a component of which involves recognising the losses that I have sustained, both direct and primary, and conceptual and secondary.

A number have been rather obvious, such as the loss of normal vision, and the fact that I was removed from a long-term dream that I spent years trying to achieve.

Yet one of the large losses that I have sustained, that is more conceptual and haven't recognised, is a loss of innocence. In a lot of ways this can be a good thing; I won't gallop through life willy-nilly anymore without consideration of possible dangers, etc. Yet it also has darkened my once more positive outlook on the character of humans.  For example; where I would have once been more trusting or open with strangers I have found myself more reserved or mistrustful, even in "safe" situations.

In part, I am grieving for the view of the world I once held, now that it is no longer there.

Another piece to this is the loss of naivety about how the world works, which is more involved with my overall stay in Kenya. My once more go-get'er view on life has been shaken. Of course I never thought change was easy, but I think I was more hopeful that when people (Kenyan and not) see a lifestyle or behavioural change that is better in the long run, there is inclination for change. Or that everyone has a inclination of generosity/selflessness, which is definitely not the case.

In any matter, it is the struggle to find truth and stay positive in the midst of hard times and to continue to seek God in the little things as well as the big.

Shadows At the Foot of My Door

I can see the shadows at the foot of my door.
Hoping and praying that I don't have to fight them anymore.

When, in times like these, I wake from panicked sleep.
My heart racing with the time is has to keep.

I don't know how to live in THIS world anymore
After having wandered from this shore.

I used to stand firm in a world full of belief.
Now my world's been left in shambles at the hands of a thief.

Is this the nature of the broken?
Left to wonder searching for this Spirit of the Chosen.

Or do I now just stand alone?

A journey through which to find a purpose
While feeling the weight of it all seeming worthless.

These roads don't show the answers, in this,
The middle of my reckoning time.

The Beautiful Struggle

I wasn't always one just for thinking,
So I always had something to believe in.
Could never understand the belief
That nothing was even out there.

Now I've seen and heard stories
Of people without love, hope and glory;
Punching holes in everything I used to take for granted.

I can't be sure of the way that I am anymore.

Here is a beautiful struggle;
One between who I am now and who I once was.
An attempt to balance the things I've newly discovered
and the things I've know for a long time but never publicly uncovered

Truly there are things that I feel, that I can't conceive.
Of duty and faith and a new way to grieve,
I see a whole new world, one full of beauty and of pain.
Yet, I feel hope running through me

But I can't reconcile with the doubts that are within me.

Yet I've come to learn that life
Isn't simply waiting for the storm of strife
To lift its wicked head, but learning to dance amidst the rain.

The Sad Lion

There is a sad lion on the plains of Africa.

He was once a symbol strong, of power and of courage;

A force to be reckoned with, and not to be discouraged.

He left, at a moment of maturity, the unit of his birth.

He travelled far and wide, a nomad searching for a home.

Feeling as though he'd ever wander, until he found his own.

He found himself among a group of lions.

So Fierce, stubborn, and strong

He was happy, whole, and vital not invisible in the throng.

He had a family new, and watched it grow so mighty.

Based on teamwork, solidarity, and friendship; nothing could compare

To this lovely group of lions, who tried to live without a care.

Then another group of beasts, they came, to challenge the lion and his friends

With clubs they came and beat him, and left with nothing gained.

They left them there all in tatters, only further to be pained.

His injuries were severe, his face a terrible mess

So the game wardens came to intervene,

and take him from his Team

He's now so far away, taken from his Pride.

Hopeful, but uncertain, of the picture that's far to wide.