Panic attacks are not the greatest thing to happen to anyone, but in the middle of church in a culture where saving Face is important, and you barely know anyone, doubles the severity of the issue.
Yet as I was drenched in anxiety stealing my ability to breath, I was reminded of four lessons given to me before I left for Africa, which all addressed and soothed the panic overwhelming my body.
1. God knows what we are made of.
-He was one of us; made himself vulnerable, human, and looked to others for
support (Matthew 26)
-Even though he knew his followers (and even us now) would fail and doubt him
he reached out to them, still stretched out his heart to them.
Love is risky. If I want to love, I have to lend my heart out at its most vulnerable; when I ache for my friends and family, and long for nothing more to flee Africa and have them at my side. Jesus did not bypass the cross, compared to that my experience here is trivial.
2. Good intentions don't cut it.
I can't just talk about helping others, I have to be awake for opportuities to make the difference in an interaction. Just because I want to doesn't mean I can or that I will. I don't wanna live a half-prepared, inaffective life here, focusing too much of the activity rather then the relationships.
3. Loving God doesn't always mean that we want to face what it is that he allows us to face.
-Jesus felt this reality to the point of sweating blood (Matt 26.38)
No matter what the pain is (even longing for loved ones to the point of feeling like vomiting) I must continue with what has been asked of me. The cross wasn't an obsticle but the way to God. Sacrifice to be truly alive.
4. Never doubt in the dark what God has told you in the light.
I am in Africa, doing what I've always wanted, feared, and even a couple months ago, ever thought I could do. Things lined up when it seemed impossible, and I was encouraged and blessed in ways I could never have asked for.
Every hurt is a lesson, and every lesson make you better.
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